I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize