grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
