Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
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Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
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You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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