I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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