dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
