gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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