I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
