it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
