you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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