HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
