i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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