i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
this hospital has no fireball
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me