Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
