Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
