im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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