Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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