Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
