I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
