Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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