Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
