So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Randomize
