If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
