Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
