she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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