I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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