Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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