There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
