he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She needs sedatives and a leash
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
