just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
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We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
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time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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