My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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