I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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