I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
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No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
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You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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