I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
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Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
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I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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