He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
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You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
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I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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