So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
