I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
