why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
