nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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