I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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