my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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