i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
