ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
