I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize