I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i love accidental penises.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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