There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
