Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
