I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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