He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize