barbara walters just said penis...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
