the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
