plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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