that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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