i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
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Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
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Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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