Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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