please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
