She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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