worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
