You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
