3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
