Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
