he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
