I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
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nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
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I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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