I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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