god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
