Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
