Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
