After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
